The above isn’t remotely near anything that can be considered commercially appealing, but it took almost no time to throw together and was a happy little reason to host friends for cake and tea to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

To make the cake::

• Boxed yellow cake (swap vanilla infused olive oil for canola if you’re a ridiculous person)

• Jell-O pistachio pudding mix

BAKE ACCORDING TO PACKAGE. DECORATE WITH POWDERED SUGAR ICING JAZZED UP WITH GREEN FOOD COLORING. INVOLVE PISTACHIO PASTE IF YOU CAN. ADD GREEN SPRINKLES.

SERVE WITH GOOD IRISH BREAKFAST TEA AND DROPKICK MURPHYS WHEN YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE BOTHERED WITH GREEN BEER AND PARADES

Blurry date night featuring Rachel Ray’s pretzel-encrusted chicken. Rainbow drip candles and tie-dye napkins add the color that meal desperately lacks.

1. Pretty coupe glasses for summer cocktails (currently riffing on the clover club with strawberries instead of raspberries using Sipsmith Strawberry Smash). I love these too.

2. Pastel candlesticks or votives

3. Casual cool tablecloths featuring pastels, gingham, florals, botanicals, or mushrooms (technically a blanket, which is totally FINE). See above for a mushroom blanket action shot.

4. Cute lil water pitcher like this or this lettuce baby (which looks tiny but I’m willing to compromise for aesthetics). If you’re feeling excited, this is the perfect time of year for crystal lite pink lemonade or strawberry-infused water

5. Flowery hand soaps for the bathroom

6. Colorful cocktail napkins like these or these

7. Fresh spring cookbooks. I got excited listening to this episode of Spendid Spoon and ordered The Flavor Thesauraus to add a bit of rigor to experiment. I’m equally excited about this one that feels like a vacation and this one that is in every self-respecting Brooklyn home (mine included)

8. This playlist which bops me down every sidewalk

9. Lil’ hosting outfit like this cool ass caftan or this bohemian daydream. For a more casual mood, go with a wild card like this pink onesie.

10. Pink carnations and baby’s breath from the bodega (to match our outfits)

11. This rug in front of the kitchen sink

12. This lipstick I wore down the aisle

13. These hand thrown strawberry mugs

14. This set of dessert bowls, perfect for serving Breyer’s strawberry ice cream

15. These cutie pink earrings

    15. This bath bomb for after guests leave

Valentine’s Day is the best holiday of the year. I’ve said it. I love what a cheerful reprieve it is during the most miserable months. I like dumb heart-shaped cards and necklaces and candy even though they’re dumb. I like pink and red on clothes and steaks. I like when they go on sale on 2/15. I like my friends and my husband. 

I like freedom. 

See, there’s no set props or rituals to observe. You don’t have to carve a turkey or hoist a tree into your home. You don’t need Jesus. This holiday is all just fun, weird, loving, and lovely if you let it be. And I always do! I am a master of Valentine’s Day. In each season of my life, I have created festive, weird, wonderful days to celebrate in a way that made sense for my life and budget at the time. Valentine’s Day is cheesy. I am not. 

See below for my contribution to society, a few ideas to inform your Valentine’s Day. Screw set menus at restaurants with justifiably resentful staff. Don’t buy heart-shaped chocolate boxes until they go on sale 2/15. Color outside the lines. If you have a partner, that’s fantastic. If you don’t, that’s sometimes even better. Here’s how to celebrate St. Valentine no matter your situation/ship:

When I was in my early twenties, broke, in Boston, on a non-profit salary, my ex-boyfriend and I split one big chicken and honey mustard sandwich at Ma-Ma Goos in Cambridge*, then went to a horror movie at the strip mall across the street. If it’s $5 Tuesday, all the better! I bought myself a cute new dress, probably from Madewell. 

If this is similar to your situation, I would take an edible and start with salads at Cava. Splurge and get the braised lamb. Let the ballast and the edible kick in before you go to a candy store. If you’re in NYC/LA, it’s Dylan’s Candy Bar. Browse the aisles and spend twenty dollarz on a bag that includes at least one piece of gummy teeth. These will become important later somehow. Next up, follow the theme to the theaters. It’s Wonka.  Finish up with a late night mocktail at the house with fewer roommates. If you have time on your hands (you do), you can brew your own bootleg version of Kin Euphorics. 

I would wear this on-sale Skims bodysuit and jeans. I would gift a squatty potty, a toe separator, or this $13 fleece that got written up in the strategist. 

When I was in my mid 20s, lonesome, single, and living in my hometown, I went to tapas then saw 50 Shades of Grey with my sister. That year, I wore this silk shirt to work and didn’t bother changing afterwards.

If this sounds like your situation, I would gather some friends and go to a hole-in-the-wall BYOB Indian place with a well-reviewed bottle of wine from Trader Joe’s. If you’re going to dinner, I’d wear this (because what a good deal) or this fun little two piece. I’d buy little stocking stuffers and cards for my friends like this soap on a rope or this very weird mug. A book of poetry is also sweet. 

Given the weather this year, I’d pivot and invite friends over to paint candlesticks or another table-based craft. I’d order a clever amount of Dominoes, bake store-bought cookies, and put on some reality television in the background. I’d wear my Gwentyh Paltrow triumph sweatshirt or this Angela smoking shirt with a cute pink bow in my hair. I would gift these interesting colanders or another enamel homegood. You could buy me a 1) quirky cookbook like this 2)or a cool and well-reviewed one like this.  

Last year, for our first Valentine’s Day as husband and wife, we went for a pop-up dinner event at Farm to People, then for a Bushwick cocktail bar crawl featuring The Narrows, Palmetto, and a few hazy others. I wore this lil number and some good and very-on-sale Brooklyn walking boots. 

If this sounds like your situation, here are a couple thoughts:

If I wanted to splurge, I’d arrange for a day at Bathhouse Brooklyn with a cute new swimsuit. This is also how I would treat myself if I were single.

If I could manage a reservation, I would go to a steakhouse wearing this pretty red dress and my grandma’s pearls. Equally fun with a girlfriend.

For a Manhattan adventure, I would dumpling hop then get a peking duck in Chinatown. For a Brooklyn adventure, I would thrift cool t-shirts at L Street Vintage then go for pizza at Ops or Roberta’s. I’d wear something like this with a lil pink lip or oh my god this. He could also buy me a sweet lil matching ruby set. I don’t even mind if they’re lab-created bc they! shine! the! same! I would buy him an art poster for his office. I like this one a lot.

If you’re in a smaller city, I’d look for municipally funded events at the zoo or at the science museum. I think this is how parents survive but I’m glad not to know firsthand.

If I wanted to stay in, I’d get a bottle of red wine and take on an elaborate kitchen project (ie lasagna) while listening to records. I would start a new season of marquee television like Fargo with dessert, this lush butterscotch pudding.

My thoughts about next year, as a yuppie couple living in Louisville: I would demand a WFH morning break featuring pastries and cappuccino at a cool bakery wearing this shirtdress that works perfectly for the presentation I’m giving later. 

I’d take a day trip to a Lake if it’s nice out. For a present, Roy could buy me a new kayak. I would buy him a classic Italian pastamaker or a custom-made knife by a local welder. (I would surprise him by stopping to pick it up in person on the way to the lake.) 

If I have enough friends, I would throw a Hawaiian-themed luau Valentine’s Day party with pineapple upside down cake and fruity tiki drinks like something washed with coconut fat. For a mocktail option, I would serve the delicious tropical punch flavored olipop. I would gift Roy this cute lil linen shirt that I believe he’d wear it beyond the day. 

If I were in a more established couple with some dollahs to spare, I would center the evening around a hot tub outside in our garden with a bottle of nice white wine followed by a quick trip to the sauna in our basement. 

We’d make a quick Prawn pasta at home followed by trader joes lava cakes at the table (set) and then a Danish crime show (omg the bridge is so good!!!) 

 I’d demand this Olivia Von Halle pajama set OR the robe (not both). I’d wear the robe with some silk cheetah pajamas. If pajamas, I would wear out to brunch later with lots of gold jewelry. I’d end the evening by 9:45 in my new reptile gear and some lovely and sensible house shoes.

*I have never googled this place before now but it deserves more internet. In a time before people ate with their phones, this was an incredible sandwich that I really thought ruled the land. It is a 12-inch sub with fried chicken pieces. You DROWN it in their house honey mustard and sit in the restaurant or your car eating it with a diet Dr. Pepper. People of Cambridge and greater New England: how uncommon is this knowledge??? Is this just some big secret we are all conspiring to keep?

Copied in full below is how Roy answered my father’s post-Christmas email.

Subject line: Potatoes. Message: Empty.

To make the roasties:

• potatoes. ideally yukon gold. peeled and cut into quarters

• olive oil

• Flour, salt, pepper (measure with your heart, make sure they’ve got a good coat)

1. HEAT OVEN TO 425F

2. ADD POTATOES TO A PAN OF SALTED WATER AND BRING TO THE BOIL

3. SIMMER AT A HIGH HEAT FOR NO MORE THAN 3 MINUTES

4. DRAIN, SHAKE WELL IN COLANDER

5. LEAVE IN COLANDER AND TOSS WITH SMALL AMOUNT OF FLOUR, SALT AND PEPPER

6. MEANWHILE, HEAT AROUND 100ML OF OLIVE OIL IN THE OVEN FOR 5 MINS

7. TAKE THE OIL OUT AND CAREFULLY ADD THE POTATOES. ROLL THEM SO THEY’RE COMPLETELY COVERED IN OIL

8. COOK FOR 15 MINS

9. FLIP AND COOK FOR ANOTHER 15 MINS

10. FLIP AGAIN AND COOK FOR CIRCA 30 MINS OR UNTIL THEY LOOK GOOD!

Another moment of early holiday bonding