Hobbying: I’ve got some cool stuff rocking out at work. Between that and an otherwise busy week, I did not carve out much time for hobbying. 

Dating: Last weekend ROCKED. We started with a special anniversary meal at Keen’s Steakhouse. I die for the way they serve crudite on top of ice. We had dirty martinis and chateaubriand. We came home and had a nightcap at our favorite neighborhood spot. Lush. 

Saturday started early. Ruth and I got our hair blown out and split a ham sandwich from Otway. We met the other ladies for a rainy walk through the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. 

We then regrouped at one of the ladies’ homes in Clinton Hill and stopped in for a cocktail at Mayflower. We bopped to dinner at Kings Imperial Co. (I live for a lazy susan.) Afterwards, we got a private karaoke room and I dazzled them with my signature. 

On Sunday, we went to our new favorite Italian spot in the neighborhood for brunch then had a lil’ funday around Ridgewood. 

Needless to say, it’s been a pretty chill week around here. 

Sweating: I’ve been paddling 10 miles on the peloton while doomscrolling. It’s a nice way to feel productive while I garbage. 

Buying: Okay I feel a little guilty but I needed an outfit for the bachelorette party and I had to have this: 

I've worn the jacket to work since. What does ‘neutral’ mean to you?

I also bought daddy a sweater for our anniversary (cotton!).  

Eating: This cilantro pistachio pesto from my Farm to People box has been shockingly versatile. Roy made us pizzas on Wednesday, and I topped mine with this, red onion, some Mex cheese blend, and pineapple sausage. I ate it alongside some pineapple salsa. Yummm. 

Drinking: This passionfruit hibiscus bevvie was fabulous. It had a pleasant viscosity. Could I become the kind of person who subscribes to an energy drink? Like in the mail? 

Reading: Long form articles on abusive practices at Trader Joe’s. I cannot say that will change my purchasing behavior.

Watching: I finally got to Scandoval. Wow. Even during the tell-all, he kept lying. Watching his beady little eyes shift back and forth was all the evidence I needed. Worm with a mustache indeed! 

Listening: Infinity Song (confusingly a band). Their cover of “dreams” is what love should feel like. 

Ruminating on: I’m officially signed up to host Thanksgiving this year and I am already so excited to plan the weekend. It’s going to involve hiking, bourbon, a non-turkey special entree, and this maple tart.  

Cat: I bought them these catnip toys and loooooooook:

I leave you with this— the neighborhood is in bloom and I took a delightful stroll between calls:

Dating: Big one. On Wednesday, we found a showing of the 1974 movie Chinatown. A few observations: 1) Roman Polanski is DARK, 2) 70s fashion is a treasure, 3) cinema went hard into smoking. It was so stylish and fun. We had to follow the plot with dumplings at Dim Sum Palace. 

On Sunday, we met up with friends to watch the Man City X Arsenal fixture then brunch at K’far. 

Sweating: I got back in the groove with a ten mile peloton this morning. It took me FORTY NINE MINUTES. We’re at square zero here, baby. 

Buying: I bought a SHOCKING ORANGE $13 sweatshirt to top off this fairy dress I bought a few missives ago. Ehhh…. It did not work so well but I am not giving up on that sweatshirt yet. It makes me feel like a capable road worker. I also did a small amount of summer shopping at Zara. I scooped this dress to go with tall boots and this bag (monogrammed obvi) to swing around town. I’m very pleased with the quality. 

Eating: I am actually kind of thriving on this diet. Wednesday is the two week mark. I’ll hold on until Saturday afternoon, when I plan to have some afternoon tinis with my husband at Dante. I’m going to reintroduce things slowly though. Even on Chinatown night, I dipped some bites and soy sauce and felt worse off for them. Bleh.

Anyhoot, I bought this salad dressing on recommendation from The Strategist. Yum! Reminder: salads are not complete meals! 

Drinking: Lemon spindrift with a squeeze of fresh lime. Yeet. 

Reading: Deep diving on my birth chart in advance of this Aries retrograde. Buckle up, fuckleheads. 

I’ve also gotten a lot of deep breaths out of this poetry book. Lush. 

Watching: Guys, I have almost caught up to Scandoval. This is going to be HUGE. I reached season nine with embarrassing speed. Things have really evened out without Jax and Kristen. I guess I’ll have to watch The Valley. Oh no. 

I also waited way too long to get into Succession. We just finished season one. 

Listening: The Wedding Scammer really stuck the landing for a scam podcast. I have no idea what to listen to next. Nothing has measured up. I am back to my audiobook The Body Keeps The Score, which I will be glad to have finished. 

Ruminating on: The world truly didn’t notice my transition to the dark side (brunette). I’m desolate! 

Cat: I cannot bear the weight of this animal’s love. It is too much. 

A travel guide is incoming. In the meantime, enjoy scenes from a truncated but eventful week of reality. 

Hobbying: A full day of rotting on a restful, rainy Saturday. When done correctly, rotting is a hobby.

Eating: A beautiful genius had the audacity to stroll into my workplace absolutely glowing. I, a gremlin on my best day, had deplaned 7 hours previous and was looking and feeling like stale sunchips.

She told me about a cleanse she had been at for 10 days. I would follow her into hell on a normal day, but I signed up for this without thinking twice. 

This is the guide. It requires…

• A strict diet free of gluten, dairy, soy, corn, egg, peanut, added sugar, and alcohol. I’m also supposed to cut caffeine but I would rather die, thanks.

• Tonnnssss of water. It’s shocking how thirsty the diet has made me but I’m finding this one very easy. 

• Daily sweat. I’m working on this one, alright??

• Heavy sleep. Yup. 

Unlike any other instagram diet I’ve been influenced into, this one is sensible, free, and straightforward. I’m on day 5 and finding it shockingly easy? I already have more energy and am feeling svelte. Idk. Long term, I would miss cheese, but I’m going to chase this nice’n’healthy feeling.

INITIATING GREMLIN GLOW. 

Dating: We went to Eyval last night. It was PRICEY even considering Roy’s single glass of wine. It was also PACKED. We could barely walk in at 9:15 PM. But the dishes slapped. We started with a citrus cabbage salad with warm dates and tahini dressing and I almost ordered another for dessert. 

We did some shopping on 5th avenue today to replenish Roy’s face cream. It ended in a sweet romantic lil time at the Chelsea Hotel lobby bar. I highly recommend this Casamara Onda sodee pop. 

Sweating: Lol! No, but really. It’s time to get back into it. It’s getting nicer out and I’m ready to walk this dog. 

Buying: New HURR. I had a weird impulse and booked myself into a last-minute appointment. The women at the salon chose a great color for me, and I haven’t been this delighted with my fur in years. 

If I look like I’ve been crying, someone at the salon sweetly brought me a glass of bubbles and a slice of almond cake when I was finished. This is the face of furious restraint. 

Drinking: I finally got my paws on the banana cream olipop. Yeehaw! It did not disappoint. It has skyrocketed to the number 2 spot in the lineup, behind cherry vanilla. If Billy’s Marketplace ever stops promoting Olipop at 3/$6,
I’ll collapse in the aisle. 

Reading: Smutty romance novels I started on vacation. 

Watching: The Curious Case of Natalia Grace. WHAT?! The husband/”father” is the campest man on television. Evil Christine and her nudes!? My god. The twists and turns. Poor kid. 

Listening: The Wedding Scammer. Good so far! 

Ruminating on: Is sugar really this bad for a person? Can I ever eat a fat slice of cake again without being reminded of how good I feel right now? Will this pathway lead to suffering + insufferability? Why does my mind spin while the peloton wheels collect dust?

Cat: I got in a lot of trouble upon my arrival home

Anyways! Greetings from Louisville, KY! 

Hobbying: The house hunt is on. We looked at two places this weekend. In a week of growth, I have also realized that I am too old for a managed building. You can’t put a residential pool in the courtyard of a 189-unit building and tell me that’s an amenity. 

We also went to see an apartment with 3,500 square feet. It would cost us 40% less than what we pay for 1,200 in Bushwick. Roy wants to dedicate a room to his (nonexistent) karate practice. I issued a spousal decline. 

The search continues. I’m lightly winded by the pressure of it, but as my mother says, with jobs/boyfriends/houses, it only takes one. 

Dating: It should be obvious from the above that last weekend was heavy. On Monday night, I made the decision to take a lonnnnggggg pause. It’s always a decision that comes from a certain amount of shame and regret, but that has never worked for me previously. 

Instead, I treated myself like it was my birthday all week. I ordered magnificent takeout like Ethiopian and passionfruit cake, ate cookies every day, and bought myself a few treats. I didn’t really leave the square mile of my home until Friday, but my enclosure offered plenty of enrichment. It felt great to cocoon lavishly. 

Sweating: I’ve managed a few long walks this week while chatting to my mom on the phone. 

Buying: Against all karmic probability, I was rewarded with my annual bonus at work this week. I’m so grateful! I am planning to stack most of it for the move, but I did treat myself with some new silk pajamas. They made the week all the more indulgent. 

Eating: I made a VAT of Alison Roman’s lentil stew. I used acorn squash and added cabbage and chickpeas. The vinegar at the end is truly lush. I ate a lot of this through the week so I could dietarily accommodate defrosted chocolate chip peanut butter cookies and the passionfruit cake mentioned above.  

Drinking: I do not recommend this hydration supplement. It’s WEIRD. You would think dehydrated coconut would be nice but I found myself struggling through it. 

Reading: Lots of quit lit.

Watching: So much Vanderpump. Watching these kids drink is reason enough to choose milk. It’s actually very scary to see the lights turn off in James Kennedy’s eyes. 

Listening: It made me happy to create a bathroom playlist. I plan to play it on a bluetooth speaker next time I host guests. Heh. “Drop it like it’s hot.”

Ruminating on: Too much to unpack here. Perhaps later. 

Cat: Forgives me. They’ve stuck by me every single hard morning, and made no exceptions this week. I’m so lucky. 

Hobbying: Getting ready for two weekend trips in a row. 

Dating: Perhaps more ‘outing’ than date, I joined a work event at Rockaway hotel. We splashed around in a heated pool and sang LOUD songs in the sauna. It was a fun Monday afternoon. 

I saw the most beautiful sunset on the way home. The Uber driver gave me an astrological reading (don’t call it a twofer)

I also had a nice afternoon outing to BKE kombucha in Bushwick with my cousin.

Sweating: Lots of long walks. 

Buying: Believe it or not– NOTHING. My FabFitFun box arrived this week and I received a salad bowl and water bottle in this cu**y shade of pink. I look forward to losing this in an office sometime soon! 

Eating: This almond pretzel and blackberry chocolate chip gelato. I have gained a whopping 9 lbs in the last four weeks. That’s totally fine! I’ll be eating mostly vegetables between now and our trip to Louisville. I’m taking a temporary pause from adult beverages. I like to ease my way to sobriety with reliable access to dessert. 

Drinking: I had a coconut milk + lime mocktail at Death and Co. Blew my mind. 

Reading: Poetry! And really enjoying it. I bought a physical copy (!) of Devotions by Mary Oliver. I read one in the mornings after a 5 minute peloton meditation (all I can muster without mentally drafting emails). I’m not sure how much of a habit this will become, but poetry has given me a few small and restful moments lately. 

Watching: Love is Blind. This Tiktok person used her 1-year-old son’s toys to illustrate the Chelsea/Jimmy meeting. It is an almost identical recreation. 

PS AD is too good for the show. 

Listening: I dipped my toe back into the Crime Junkie swamp. The alphabet killer episodes were distracting but I realized how tense my shoulders were halfway through. That’s enough for true crime for now. 

Ruminating on: Oh, I like the ending of this poem. 

Maybe the fire in my lashes is a reflection of that.

Why do I have so many thoughts, they are driving me crazy.

Why am I always going anywhere, instead of somewhere?

Listen to me or not, it hardly matters.

I’m not trying to be wise, that would be foolish.

I’m just chattering.

Cat: Spackled onto me. 

This one is written on a frosty morning in a beautiful cabin outside of Tannersville, NY, while the steaming cedar soaking tub waits for me. Sorry! Roy’s on his way back with coffee and cinnamon rolls so let’s make this quick. 

Hobbying: I worked a lot this week, so packing for this weekend was the singular extracurricular focus. 

This trip is Roy’s extravagant Valentine’s Day present to me. We’re in some sort of yurt? At Scribner’s Lodge. It’s been heaven. We have bopped around the town, gotten some good hiking, and thumbed novels in front of a fire. Golly, he’s the best. 

Dating: We took a trip up to Tannersville in autumn of last year and discovered this wonderful restaurant by googling “best restaurant Tannersville.” With the same approach, we found the same restaurant this year and were not sad to repeat. The food and service were wonderful. I got caught with a fainting spell at the end of the meal, humiliating. The staff was so nice about it. Bleh. 

Sweating: SNOW TUBING AND HIKING. 

Buying: I bought this magical jumpsuit and tracked its shipment progress every half hour. It will be my second horse-themed garment. Outrageous? Who’s to say? 

I am conscious that outfits I love, like this one, will be less celebrated in Kentucky compared to Bushwick. I hope that won’t change my approach to dressing myself. It will be a test of character. 

I also bought a vintage Jim Beam belt buckle to wow my coworkers on an upcoming work trip. 

I’m probably going to buy some candles and/or socks at a boutique this afternoon.

Eating: Roy cooked almost every meal that I ate this week. He knocked it all out of the park, then cleaned up after us. What a gent. The two highlights were a homemade pizza that set off our fire alarm seven times in a row and bangers with mustard mash. I realize I need to pay it forward, but I really enjoyed being treated in that way.

I also found time for lunch with a friend at Salty Lunch Lady, which ended in a lemon curd poppy seed cake. 

Drinking: Last Sunday, I had one too many at the deadly happy hour deal at Myrtle Pub (2X1 plus unlimited hot dogs). I was sick until Wednesday. I will not forget this soon. 

Listening: A new-to-me poetry podcast that makes me take a deep breath and smack my lips within six minutes.

Watching: I started Vanderpump Rules from its inception and have made laudable progress. What a time capsule! To situate, one of the women is trying to start a statement necklace company. 

There’s PROBLEMATIC consumption of all sorts. Was that a sign of the times? Did every young person chug vodka like that? Did I? (Literal gulp.) Will future generations pity us? The women all have tattoos they found on Tumblr. Where are those fine-line arrows pointing now?!?? Is this how we all lost the way?

I asked myself a lot of questions Monday-Wednesday in the throes of my hangover. These thoughts plagued me, and I felt itchier than one of Jax’s conquests.

Anyways, I desperately want this artwork of THE MAIN GUY. 

Ruminating on / Reading: THIS PROFILE OF TOM SANDOVAL IN THE NEW YORK TIMES has an absolute chokehold on me. I’ve sent this passage to everyone I know: 

“Sandoval began to perform loud vocal exercises. He applied pomade to his hair, combing it back with his fingers, and changed into a light blue women’s suit from Zara, which he said he preferred to the store’s men’s wear. The suit looked good, but the sleeves barely reached his wrists. As he emerged from the dressing room, there was something about the suit’s feminine cut combined with Sandoval’s physique and slightly hunched posture that reminded me of Heath Ledger’s Joker in the scene at the hospital where he wears a nurse’s uniform.”

There are other marvelous pull quotes, but WOW. What monsters have we created????

Cat: Back to our happy, fluffy, mischievous, curious selves this week. Here she is interfering with my squash sandwich from General Irving and Vanderpump confessional:

Hobbying: I’ve been building a KenBucket List in anticipation of our June move to Louisville. I’ve been lurking on reddit/louisville and I love how people talk about their city and cool experiences to have there. 

Of course there’s plenty of that in Bushwick, but sometimes it is just overwhelming for the volume or because it’s too cool for me or inconvenient or goes too late or feels too young or blah blah blah 

Anyways, I’m really excited to kayak at Floyd’s Fork, go to Heritage Farm for dinner, and picnic in Cherokee Park. I also lurked through the Facebook marketplace in Louisville. If I were there, I would snap these up IMMEDIATELY. 

Dating: Another big week! When will it end?

On Saturday, the day finally arrived. I booked a reservation at Bad Roman TWO MONTHS in advance. I knew it to be a buzzy Italian place but didn’t recognize it was “rainforest cafe meets red sauce joint”. Dread set in when we entered the Columbus Circle MALL location (which is also where Per Se is located????). I felt transported to the worst parts of Las Vegas, which is all of it. I thought surely I was in for an online Cheesecake Factory dining experience. 

It was a very instagrammy crowd so I leaned in and photographed everything I ate, thinking it would be funny if nothing else. FALSE. It was delicious! Every gimmick was wonderful. An enormous ravioli that oozes cacio e pepe sauce when sliced over filet mignon?? What!! I was proven wrong and it tasted very nice. 

Enjoy! I look gross! That is not my Louis Vuitton Speedy! 

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On Sunday, Roy cooked a meaty chili for super bowl while I lounged and interwebbed. I had a great latte while I click clacked away on the couch. I barely ventured out of the house aside from a coffee run. I lit these colorful candles and we enjoyed our cozy super bowl.

On Wednesday, we had cocktails and quesadillas at All Night Skate before taking in a comedy show around the corner at Tiny Cupboard. The comics were universally pretty great. I spent an extra $5 for a season pass that guarantees me entry for 90 days. I’ll be using that. 

On Thursday, I began what will become an annual tradition every February 15th. I bought a half-priced box of chocolates, and got in bed at 8 PM. 

Sweating: Uhh…I brought a lot of clean workout clothes to my office. They are still there. 

Buying: I went for a rare in-person shop on Saturday! After brunch with coworkers at Thai Diner to celebrate Lunar New Year, we bopped around some Prince St. shops. I re-upped on edibles at the Sundae School pop-up. Everyone in there was very cool. They had this wish wall: 

Then, we wandered into Dinner Service where I discovered that ORVILLE PECK DESIGNED A SHIRT. Roy had to have it. I didn’t think twice. 

Eating: Roy made the best chili of our lifetimes. 

The record was set in 2013, when I was living in Decatur, Illinois. I only had one friend. Mandi Jo grew up on a cattle farm and used to wear a gown and stand next to prize cows at state fairs. (COOL RIGHT?) She made a gooooooddddd chili. This was better. 

He started with an heirloom tomato sauce I made and froze in August (but storebought is fine). He slow cooked pork shoulder, ground beef, and white beans with some alchemy of sauces and spices. He pickled white onions in white wine vinegar and red onions in red wine vinegar because he’s a cute guy. He also made onion rings (!) to serve alongside. It was probably the best meal of 2024 so far. 

On Friday, I woke up to the harsh truth that I had DMed a local baker at midnight. She’s SO COOL and I’ve wanted to try her cakes forever. I walked two miles each way to pick up these three gorgeous cakes. It’s the best cake I’ve ever had. 

Drinking: Quite a few passionfruit/tequila cocktails at All Night Skate. I had a can of this delicious blood orange soda from Irving’s when I went to pick up a Friday spicy squash sandwich. 

Reading: I am really intimidated about making pudding!! I am overthinking it a lot. Nothing on the internet has reassured me it’s possible! I’ve spent a rather embarrassing amount of time researching how to make it but I don’t feel brave enough to try yet. I’m planning a trip to Salty Lunch Lady for field study. 

Also, oh my god, ChatGPT actually has made itself useful to me. I asked it for variations on a grilled cheese and wow! An Apple and Brie Grilled Cheese on Bread: Cinnamon raisin or honey wheat with Thinly sliced apples and a drizzle of honey. The suggested soup pairing was an English pea— think like the famous Alinea one.  Right???

Watching: This cute comedy set from Fat Rascal! “Gamestop management came through!” And so much Vanderpump.

Listening: “Blush” by Orville Peck on repeat

Ruminating on: Oh my god the Usher concert. Roy came to peek at it while cleaning the kitchen and left the sink running for four minutes. Jaws on the floor. I felt like I needed to breathe into a paper bag. I was still weak-kneed from Post Malone. This knocked me flat. Did usher learn how to roller skate for us??

As a millennial, God reached down and scratched behind my ears. I PURRED.

Cat: Speaking of, it’s been a truly terrible cat week. We discovered Nightmare is allergic to fish. I gave her a salmon churu on Saturday, and she’s been barfy and lethargic all week. She’s finally on the up and up. My poor baby. I just bought some cat shampoo to get the dregs of scum out of her fur. I plan to join her in the bathtub. 

Find out about it all next week! 

Hobbying: Planning a trip to Italy for my dad’s 70th birthday! That I will not be taking! Both of my parents’ birthdays are this week and my mom decided to treat them to a trip to Northern Italy in October. My contribution is in planning the details and logistics. They start in Milan, spend a couple of days in Lake Como and Bellagio, then head to Valtellina for alpine hikes and Nebbiolo wineries. I’ve added a couple of surprises like a day in the thermal baths, a trip to George W. Bush’s favorite tie store, and cheeseries. 

My favorite part of planning was encountering this Italian proverb comparing its famous cities: "Rome is a voluptuous woman whose gifts are very apparent, while Milan is the shy, demure girl whose treasures are plentiful, but discovered in time."

In turn, my father bought my mother a toilet mounted bidet, the exact thing for a 69th birthday. Pro move.

Dating: It has been a big week!  Last Saturday, we went out to Gage & Tollner for a fancy steakhouse lunch. We ate burgers and had a long walk by the waterfront. 

On Sunday, we went to  Vinegar Hill House with friends for apple pancakes. On Wednesday, I went for a ladies’ steak night with coworkers at Hawksmoor. We split the porterhouse and chateaubriand with truffle cream sauce. Roy came home Friday and we went for a negroni at Sundown Bar then out for Decades pizza in the neighborhood. 

Sweating: Pathetic showing this week. I’ve near nothing to report. I guess I racked up steps between restaurants. 

Buying: This is my favorite time of year to treat myself, my friends, and my person. I bought this dress in red for a low-key Valentine’s Day. I am dropping heavy hints for a new set of silk pajamas. I also bought myself this lotion bar and hot cocoa set as a Valentine’s Day present. The reviews are glowing and I soon will be too. One last naughty: the sweatshirt featured in this article lives up to the hype. 

Eating: Roy was in Chicago this week and, left to my own devices, I had cava twice. My order:

• Base: lentils + power greens

• Dips: crazy feta, red pepper hummus, baba ganoush

• Protein: braised lamb (why do you need to charge me extra?) or falafel

• Toppings: pickles, tomato salad, cabbage, feta, 

Drinking: Too many Bee’s Knees with the girls. Coconut lacroix to soothe the next morning. 

Reading: ehhhh… I guess I spent a lot of time digging into my birth chart + outlook for Aquarius season on my Chani app. I also truly enjoyed this article and the idea of errand hangs. 

Watching: Vanderpump rules, season 1. I have no idea why or how I waited this long to watch. In just a few episodes, there’s already a recovering methhead, a physical altercation, a stripper getting pregnant, and a tragic aspiring music career. Why is Stassi so mean?

Listening: This Kendrick Lamar album I bought for Roy as an early Valentine’s Day present. 

Ruminating on: POST MALONE AT THE SUPERBOWL OMG GHFEFNDUISAHFUINFJDKNANFJKSNCJKDNCJDKNDJKCSNCJKDANCNDSKJN Wasn’t that the sexiest thing that every happened in the whole world ever?? My nipples will not soften! I sweat from places I didn’t know I could sweat from. What did I say about turquoise jewelry making a comeback? Nothing out loud to anybody but I knew it and I have the google history to prove it! 

Post Malone Sings America the Beautiful at Super Bowl LVIII

Cat: The crime rate in my household has soared while Roy’s away. They’re hiss-behaving. 

Hobbying: These big fat peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I froze the dough in neat little balls to pop into the oven when I want a sweet treat. I even prefer these to Levain. 

Dating: Thursday was one of the best nights I’ve had in NYC. I went to celebrate a friend’s birthday for happy hour and then we went to A SPEAKEASY MAGIC SHOW. I like all of those words. It was absolutely wonderful. They pulled a freaking card out of Roy’s watch.

Sweating: I went to a yoga class at Daya studio in Bushwick and was once again reminded how nice an in-person class is with an instructor that can correct poses and rebalance the room’s energy. It’s a different experience to the peloton classes I’ve (barely) been taking. I’m going to chase that high with a two week new member trial. 

Buying: This cardigan from Target. The designer collaboration was too good to pass up. I threw in this vest-y top that has gotten good influencer feedback, a re-buy of this pillar candle, and some single ply toilet paper. Woohoo. In the interest of full disclosure, my dad gave me a Target gift card which significantly defrayed the cost. I feel confident this was not how he intended me to use it. 

Treating: Myself to a facial and cava for a fun little weeknight. 

Eating: On a true taco kick. The blue corn hard shells are one of the best things I’ve gotten from Whole Foods. I chased the dragon with bean and beef tacos on corn tortillas and lunchtime taco salads. 

Drinking: Mixed my own Manhattan with Lyre’s non-alcoholic American Malt. It felt a little silly at first, like adult juice, but it was a really sweet opportunity for a nice chat over drinks with my husband. 

Reading: I started listening to a new audiobook The Body Keeps the Score which feels like something I’ll be glad to have read rather than an enjoy-in-the-moment book.

Watching: The latest season of Real Housewives of New York. I will say that the women in New York were a little too tasteful such as not to really belong in the franchise. I mean that critically. And I LOVE Jenna Lyons but her calm, patient, thoughtful personality was deeply unwelcome. She continually set a standard for decorum and class through her outfits and behavior. Ugh. I think I’ll stick with smaller cities, thanks. 

Jenna served true lewks throughout the season. This three-piece menswear suit took the cake for me 

PS: Jessel was trying a little too hard. God bless her. 

Listening: The Cure Greatest Hits on Vinyl while I write this and Roy cooks dinner (pork pineapple tacos served in a blue corn hard shell). I think I like this little life. 

Ruminating on: The “show yourself at 21” instagram trend. Behold my contribution:

I sure was blonde and cute. I still love that jacket.

Cat: Two of my favorites in portrait mode. 

Hobbying: I made a couple of candles as a birthday gift for a friend. They’re oud and rose scented, potted in a surprisingly expensive-looking holder from the Dollar General. 

Dating: Big week! I’m looking forward to a quieter one next, but here are just a few highlights from a packed one:

• I did another afternoon tea at Lady Mendl in Union Square with a treasured coworker, then free Fridays at the Whitney Museum. I wasn’t stupefied by the collection, but the view from the balcony was wonderful. 

• Roy and I took half an edible each and went to see the NASA exhibit at Hall de Lumieres. Whoa. We finished with some tacos and topos at Tacos #1. 

• Pet nats and a PERFECT pistachio mortadella panino at Bar Birba on a double date

• 15th birthday party for the Raines Law Room at the Chelsea Hotel

• Burns Night at The McKittrick Hotel. The event was beautiful. The performers brought the best of Robert Burns’ poetry to life through music and song. They also had a contemporary poet converse with his more problematic work. Everyone looks so beautiful by taper candlelight and the absurdity and silliness engendered perfect camaraderie. There was haggis, U2, plaid, and, of course, a singalong to Auld Lang Syne. 

Sweating: During water aerobics, the instructor accused me of being a swimmer! 

Buying: Not too much, actually. My coworker came into work with the most beautiful curls so I immediately placed an order for the heatless curl contraption she used. I also bought a 40 lb bag of cat food. 

Eating: Less. I scramble two eggs, some egg whites, EBTB seasoning in butter and add some crumbled feta and fresh parsley to the top. 

Drinking: Lyre’s whiskey mixed into a paper plane. I admit to partaking in the scotch tastings for Burns night. This Glenfiddich 14 Year Bourbon Barrel Reserve was delightful. At $80, I’ll definitely be adding it to the bar in March. 

Reading: Up on the history of Old Overholt for work. I’m absolutely honored to steward the future of historic brands like these.

Watching: The reunion of RHOSLC was… very loud. Monica is a jerk, but I did appreciate “I can be the villain of your story but you’re the clowns of mine.” 

Listening: I just finished this audiobook about the New York dining scene. It was funny at times and shocking at others, but myopic and a bit self-aggrandizing throughout. I wouldn’t love being stuck in an elevator with the author. 

Ruminating on: This beautiful 1792 poem by Robert Burns, which I recite in a shrill Scottish accent to every audience I can gather. 

There Was Twa Wives

There was twa wives, and twa witty wives,

As e'er play'd houghmagandie,

And they coost oot, upon a time,

Out o'er a drink o brandy;

Up Maggie rose, and forth she goes,

And she leaves auld Mary flytin,

And she farted by the byre-en'

For she was gaun a shiten.

She farted by the byre-en',

She farted by the stable;

And thick and nimble were her steps

As fast as she was able:

Till at yon dyke-back the hurly brak,

But raxin for some dockins,

The beans and pease cam down her thighs,

And she cackit a' her stockins.

Cat: They went for the wedding gift we gave to our friends. 

Hobbying: TEA. I’m all in, baby. I did a restock at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods this week. I’ve been enjoying cinnamon tea in the morning, Earl Grey with elevensies, Chai in the afternoon, and peppermint as a nightcap. 

Dating: As a continuation of the above, I met up with my cousin for afternoon tea at Brooklyn High Low, a speak tea-sy. We had finger sandwiches and five pots of tea. We left jittery and sated. I have another such date with a coworker this afternoon at Lady Mendls. 

Sweating: I was not in the mood for activity this week. The snowstorm took it out of me and I just hit a blah wall. This peloton ride with Cody met me right where I was at. He appeared in a bright pink outfit and told us he didn’t want to be there. But we showed up anyways! 

Buying: THESE earrings as a cheap thrill. They’re really nice and substantial. People are going to be shocked to find out how much I paid for them. I also SCOOPED up a few bras from CUUP’s sale. After getting sent the wrong size last time I ordered from them, I found their customer service to be… weird. (How are you not going to let me return the wrong item?) But the bras are undeniable. I’d buy them even if they were drop kicked to my doorstep. 

Eating: My sweet tooth is out of control. I don’t know why I bought the Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I like them best fridge cold. 

Drinking: Lyre’s spritz at my office happy hour. I’m in the throes of a major dirty chai latte obsession, so I picked up this syrup at Trader Joe’s and I’ve been trying to make them with the office espresso machine. (It’s not the same.)

Reading: A lot of great content on Reddit. I spent time on r/Louisville, learning about gyms and restaurants we’ll try when we move. I did some research on r/bourbon, to learn how new releases are being considered. That community is so engaged and it feels very rewarding to work on projects they love. 

Watching: The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I’ve never really been into the franchise, but the hype around the reunion is deafening. I also watched this Ashton Kutcher / Reese Witherspoon romantic comedy and felt it to be very cute. 

Listening: This episode on taste on the Ezra Klien show. I listened, slackjawed, on the coast of my bed. It’s amazingly hard to know what you even actually like versus what’s fed to you through an algorithm. Trusting your inner voice has never felt more important. 

“We can see our tastes reflected in so many more places and at such a granular level. I mean, billions of people circulate through the same ecosystems online. And I think there’s this vast generic agglomeration of stuff that we’re just cherry-picking from each place and molding it into a great blob of generic culture.”

Ruminating on: Absolutely SCANDALIZED by the cover of polyamory issue on New York Magazine. I feel rage akin to the outcry about Balenciaga using children in a BDSM shoot. The live video on instagram is absolutely appalling. A hardy round of applause for the editorial team. 

Cat: See above. I can’t even look at my pets the same way. But it is pretty charming to see them captivated by snow:

Dating: Roy saw Zac Efron’s new movie (wrestling, maybe?) while I watched Rachel Bloom’s penultimate performance of Death, Let Me Do My Show. She deserved the standing ovation. We met up after for Thai at Somtum Der. 

Sweating: Water aerobics is the most underrated workout on the schedule. I had SO MUCH FUN going to a class with my coworker. It’s lightly strenuous, the music bangs, and no one can tell if you’re doing the wrong moves under the surface. We laughed like children. It was the perfect dose of goofiness in my daily struggle for fitness ring closure. I have dreams of myself becoming an instructor, touring the world on a cruise ship. Is there room for a water aerobics influencer? I need an outfit. My coworker purchased this gem for the occasion. I’m going for a spring break Rory Gilmore ~ Baywatch look. This is my new personality. 

Buying: A new swimsuit, and this outfit from Ulla Johnson’s sale. It’s quirky but the pieces are versatile. I also scooped these shorts and this Valentine’s Day dress during Shopbop’s extra sale. It’s time to slow my roll. I’m hoping next week I’ll link a new pen or some stamps. 

Eating: Without restriction. This week, that included a lottt of medjool dates with almond butter and sea salt. Other highlights include: awesome takeout from Levantine, an underwhelming taco salad, and these fake oreos.  

Drinking: I tried N/A merlot over an otherwise beautiful dinner at Rolo’s this week. Yick. I’m working through three of these 40 OZ bad boys every day and feeling great for it. 

Reading: I have a hard time describing what Intimacy is doing to me. The advice feels pretty. Reading it is like taking a bath with nice products. I’m looking differently, more gently, at relationships with others and myself. 

Watching: Fargo. The hot tub scene made my arm hair stand on end. PIERCED. NIPPLES.  

"Does my discussing matters of state in moist repose bother you?"

Listening: to Your Table is Ready on Audible. Meh. There are some shocking glimpses of New York City fine dining but I’m finding that the book is, somewhat ironically, overstaying its welcome. It’s lingering in my mouth like the morning after a truffle pasta.

Haunted By: Nelly texting Kelly Rowland on Excel

Cat: I finally listened to TikTok and picked up some Churu treats. The cats go bananas for them. It’s a disgusting paste they lap straight out of the tube. Curfew goes for it with a toothy gulp. I’ve never seen them respond to food like this. 

Hobbying: Travel planning a trip to Bogota in March to celebrate the end of 75 Hard. There will be multi-course meals, emerald shopping, and soccer. I will of course, share to the blog / abyss. 

I won’t delve too much into 75 Hard but you can tell I’m doing my best to respect it by my choice to capitalize. In short, my approach to the next 75 days is: 90 minutes of exercise, no alcohol, mindful eating. I’m 6 days in and feeling abusively nice. 

Dating: While sober is a small revelation. We’re covering more ground and spending less money. On Jan 2nd (aka Day 1), we played hooky and treated ourselves to early bird passes at Bathhouse, Williamsburg. We hit up short lines at L’Industrie and Fini for mindful pizza afterwards. Last night, we did date night at the MOMA and this true gem of a Greek restaurant where I resented eating lamb shank without red wine.

Sweating: Covering a lot of my 90 minute sentence with outside, bundled walks. Using the entertainment feature on my peloton to paddle along to Barbie on HBO. Building a base over here. 

Buying: Rose quartz necklaces in preparation for a mother-daughter trip to Mii Amo in May (one for me, one for her). Rose quartz has some sort of healing power that I’ll read about later. I used a gift card to scoop up this fanny pack for walks. 

Eating: Still riding a high from a last hurrah at Bowery Meat Company. I cooked eggs and spinach in the leftover truffle butter. Alison Roman’s latest soup recipe is a diet-compliant work of genius. Finishing a lentil soup with white vinegar and greens? Come on! 

Roy treated me to this English chocolate delight on Sunday. Magically, another bar appeared in the office kitchen. I could do with a manicure.

Reading: I just finished Wreck The Halls with little guilt or shame. 

Watching: Saltburn is the best movie I’ve ever seen. If justice exists in this world, it will sweep the Oscars.

Listening: “Murder on the Dance Floor” on repeat

Cat: Nightmare is obsessed with the heated cat bed from grandma. I envy her. It’s freezing. 

This cuddle puddle was initiated by Curfew. Ignore the laundry. It’s been handled.

Dating: For Christmas, Roy gave me tickets to the Moulin Rouge matinee on Saturday. My sister gave us a gift card to Keen’s. I bought this dress on sale. It’s shaping up to be a pretty perfect day out. 

Sweating: Long, languid neighborhood walks with the last hoarded episode of Normal Gossip. There might be a peloton yin yoga class later, but the theme of the day is soft so not stressing about keeping my 8 week streak going. 

Buying: This Hill House nap dress during the Shopbop sale. I had been eyeing other plaid dresses for a while, and this felt like a real comfy permutation. 

Eating: Sesame bagel toasted with I can’t believe it’s not butter ™. My stomach is off and I refuse to believe it’s connected to my debaucherous yuletide behavior. (If you’re in St. Louis, the mussels at Louie made me cry.)

Reading: The round up of 2023 sex diaries in NYMag. Raunchy!

Watching: Girl Meets Farm on Discovery +. I really love Molly Yeh’s soothing enthusiasm and penchant for sprinkles. It’s creating a dulcet background as I write this and #shirkwork. (To cover myself: I’ve received about three emails today so no balls are dropped). She makes these pork chops with salsa verde for a daytime wine book club and it looks like heaven. She’s also getting to work on a fried bologna sandwich that made my 2024 checklist. 

Cat: I poured some 10 AM catnip because the week between Christmas and New Years does not count. I plugged in their new heated cat bed from grandmother and am standing by for an endorsement or rebuttal.