I got lucky—my parents will be in Taipei during our visit. Christmas this year will be spent with a confusing but exciting mix of my parents, Roy’s brother, and our Taiwanese sister-in-law. Naturally, I made a PowerPoint.

Below are a few slides from said deck, complete with family-specific inside jokes that will mean nothing to anyone except my mother (hello mommy)

While this is fun, it’s not precisely thoughtless. We’re talking about something that will stand the test of time and serve as a momento of the achievement. A witchy little talisman for perpetual prosperity.

See below for a list of things I’ve mostly already purchased. Hoping this blog post allows me to close this chapter of my spending (and a few of my tabs). I hope both of you reading will hold me accountable.

Anyways, here’s what we got!

A crystal! I bought a ring from Costco. I love it.

A leather jacket from Frame. Last one left. As much as a car payment (which btw I don’t have anymore— #minted)

New perfume that some reviewers describe as putrid lake water

Sunglasses with 24K gold trim. Purr.

Prada loafers for an accomplished little lad

This pieced quilted robe from Etsy made by a nice lady. Gives its wearer the coveted Michelin silhouette.

Can anyone afford a stay at Blackberry Farms? I can! But I got intimated by the “planning” call from the concierge

1. Coconut water from Costco.

Dumped unceremoniously in a Stanley cup with a squeeze of lemon juice and a packet of lemonade crystal lite.

2. Chicken parm from Volare. Not 100000% worth it, but a nice night out.

3. Order ahead caviar from Highland Fish Market , which just opened on Bardstown Rd.

A HUGE bonus is that it is right next door to Purrfect Day Cat Cafe. In October, this will go towards an experiment I’ve been threatening to make involving a family sized mcnugget order, sour cream, and bubbly wine.

4. Oat butter

I went crosseyed when I encountered the first spoonful. It is so mouthy and yummy. It just BEGS for a caramelized banana and a vanilla yogurt. (or cottage cheese and a small splash of maple syrup). If you see me big backin these streets this fall know this is where it started

Bon appetit wrote a lovely product review. But I would like my corner of the internet to know I too enjoy this product! And hope you do too! Both of you!

When it’s time to go a-pickin’, I’ll dip an apple slice right in the jar.

5. Caperberries

Large capers from the fridge. Salty lil thing and way better than it should be. The texture is a salty savory fig. It garnishes the freezer martini at Darling’s and now that my alcohol career is nearing its close I must find ways to enjoy it in other contexts.

Matched with a hunk of parmesan cheese, you have a wonderful little rat snack straight out of the fridge. (You don’t even need to close the fridge all the way while you enjoy it.)

6. Kimchi stew that is on its way to me from Sarang Cafe right this very second.

7. Sweet potato

Cooked for 6 hours in the crock pot on low. Lucious. Serve with meat pile, sauerkraut, a huck of cottage cheese, and a drizzle of bbq sauce at 1030 AM. Full until dinner.

8. Blue cheese dressing made with cottage cheese and extra onion powder. It is acceptable to buy a vegetable tray for a non-party.

9. hatch chile enchiladas

Freestyled with siete tortillas and the best Trader Joe’s cheddar cheese and homemade hatch chili salsa because this season is fleeting and it must be seized. I got a costco rotisserie chicken that yielded THREE MEALS THIS WEEK. (straight to mouth w/ kinder’s founder’s bbq sauce, these bad boys, made homemade broth that became this must-make orzotto)

In the throes of the green card process, we cannot leave the country. But you truly don’t have to because New Mexico feels like another fucking planet. We had a magical, serene, wonderful little vacation and if I can shout into the vortex, it will be to encourage anyone to replicate this trip.

The basics!

There is no good flight path from anywhere. It was as expensive and inconvenient as a trip to Europe. Whatever. Do it anyways. There are enough pictures of that Hilary Duff fountain in Rome.

New Mexico was a gut buster. We struggled to find menu items that didn’t feel like a blowout. There’s so much deliciousness to be had but the portions are huge and it was hard not to feel physically overwhelmed. Bring tums.

Time of year: we went in April and it was perfect. Ski season was over (not bothered), so no crowds and it wasn’t hot and it was just so perfect.

DAY 1: Arrive hungry

Arrive HUNGRY to Albuquerquee, head straight to the indian pueblo cultural center for lunch and a look. Skip the kool-aid pickles. Get the prime rib fry bread dip. Yum.

Have a wander around the museum and acquaint yourself with Pueblo culture. Leave with a new appreciation of New Mexico that will grow exponentially. Not to be a twat, but acquaint oneself with Pueblo culture, the people, the land will make everything else on this trip hit a little deeper. Plus we gotta walk off that fry bread.

Check in to the Hotel Zazz. It’s modest but adorable. We told the front desk we were celebrating our first anniversary and ten minutes after we checked in, there was a knock on our door. They brought us chocolates and a hand-written congratulations card. Swoon. We took a quick little dip in the pool before heading out for adventure in Old Town.

We came for the rattlesnake museum. I also bought some sage -scented soaps that perfumed my suitcase for the rest of the trip, adding a dreamy touch to every stop. We had a late afternoon white wine in the square then went back to the hotel for a costume change.

Hotel Zazz has an incredible on-site cocktail bar. I had a coconut milk clarified punch with tequila that I still think about.

For dinner, we drove 20 minutes across the Rio Grande, to a James Beard–nominated Oaxacan spot: La Guelaguetza (816 Old Coors Dr. SW).

• Decor: dentist waiting room

• Service: caring but criminal. Everyone was so nice in there, but the food took 90 minutes and the chairs sucked. Roy threatened to bounce twice.

• Food: best meal of the trip. We ordered the specialty: pizza birria—basically a giant $22 quesadilla topped with guac, sour cream, cilantro, and a side of beefy jus.

It was transcendent.

Okay! Day 2! We’re going to space. Drive to White Sands 3.25 hours.

We left at 8 AM and got the first pastries at Ihatov: green cheddar croissant and a sourdough cinnamon roll. We laughed out loud when we bit in. They were so ridiculously good. The music was bopping and the views on the way out of town were unthinkable– huge blue sky and expanses. Vacation activated.

Got a coffee in Truth or Consequences because I love oddities. It was a pretty normal town, surprisingly.

We stopped in Hatch, New Mexico, the sacred home of the chile that brought us to New Mexico. We grabbed veggie enchiladas at a forgettable Mexican spot, then hit up one of the roadside shops for Hatch chile merch. I’m going to say it: Hatch chilies are my favorite vegetable.

White Sands was mind blowing! It felt like outer space with miles of white sand for the eyes to see. We did the Dune Life Nature Trail, a 1.1-mile loop and the Interdune Boardwalk, which is 0.4 miles. Short show, but it was HOT and the sand was like hiking on powdered sugar.

The White Sands National Park has one of the best gift shops. Roy didn’t let me buy the Pendleton White Sands blanket, but he probably won’t notice it folded on the edge of our bed later. We love you, Roy!

Another 1.5 hours in the car. We listened to Case 63 with Julianne Moore and Oscar Isaac which made the drive fly by. The story is surreal and futuristic, which paired perfectly with the stark, otherworldly landscape. It was truly a perfect match for the scenery, which— meet me in the next paragraph.

The views were shocking. I can hardly muster a description beyond ‘stunning’. I don’t have the verbal tools. Vast expanses of jaw-dropping flats, rocky mountains covered in succulents and sage bushes. I was totally flabbergasted. I had a frame of reference from previous trips to the American Southwest but watching my husband’s little English mind explode over and over again was one of the trip’s treasures.

Arrived in El Paso at a spendy hotel right in town. Walked down the street for a big, spendy Texas ribeye at Weso. Turned the A/C way down, put on the hotel robe, and fell asleep watching Adult Swim commercials.

If I had more time, I’d hit up the Luchesse outlet to meet my buddy Juan in person. Shout out to Juan, who sells me outlet boots over Facebook.

If I had more energy, I’d have made Roy take me line dancing.

Day three! Guadalupe National Park and a really fun night in Carlsbad.

Hit the road early. The best part of hiking is getting on with it and getting over it. Starbucks egg bites and backpack jerky sufficed after that piggy dinner I ate. Piggy.

2 hours of more gorgeous scenery and audio delight to Guadalupe National Park.

Originally, we wanted to do the El Capitan trail, but a lazy morning, a sneaky time zone change, and a very serious Park Ranger warned against a late start so we pivoted. I’ve seen too much true crime to disobey the ranger.

We did the 4 mile Devil’s Hall trail instead. It was SO GOOD. Rocks are sweet, dude.

Finish it.

40 minutes and some Case 63 plot twists later, we arrived in Carlsbad. This hotel was in a beautiful, historic bank.

We wandered over to this brewery, where an Irish gentleman was reading out loud as part of some adult story hour. We got to chatting with the owner, who works during the day as a geologist. (Rocks are sweet, dude!)

Down the street, Yellow Brix had an incredible hatch chili fettuccine. After the hike, the socializing, and the heavy feed, we slept hard.

Day 4: Caverns, aliens, 5.5 hour drive. Carlsbad to Taos

2 hour drive to Roswell for the ALIEN MUSEUM. I won’t deign to review it here and color your experience. Suffice to say it is unmissable. Get a taco salad in town and swing by the UFO Wal-Mart if you need provisions.

Back on the road for the longest haul of the trip—Roswell to Taos. This was hands-down the most dramatic, scenic drive we had.

Desert flats became rivers, creeks, and mountains. The colors changed with the elevation. The sky did some true New Mexico magic. I may have overpacked this trip itinerary in hindsight, but the drives themselves were part of the experience. With a great podcast playing, it felt like what I’m now officially calling Drive-By Cinema™. (Aubrey, hush)

Taos is gorgeous. Julia Roberts has a house here.

We got upgraded to the Southwest Villa at HACIENDA DEL SOL and cried a little watching a beautiful sunset. We went to the grocery store for some wine, and pick up a sesame-crusted pizza at Pizza Out Back.* We lit fire, did some laundry and watched a scary movie for the best night of the trip.

In the morning, we got straight into the hotel hot tub with a coffee before its in-house breakfast service and cried a little more for the sunrise.

*Note: clearly by this time I am in vacation mode, but I swear this was the best pizza of my year. We were living in Brooklyn. It was so nutty and wonderful and crunchy.

Ojo Caliente! Day 5 is lush

Start the day with a shop in town. Given it’s an anniversary, we got some grown up art to commemorate the trip from a real gallery. We also got some grown up gummies for later.

Taos Pueblo was unfortunately closed, but I’d have loved to see it. We breezed through the Earthship Biotecture. It was cool! A little stinky.

We had a goooood long marvel at the Gorge.

We got some veggie sammies on the way to Ojo Caliente.

Ojo Caliente. Holy shit.
Yummy. Sexy. Meow.
This place.

We started with massages to shake off five days of road trip tightness. The scrub included blue corn and prickly pear, which felt both sacred and brunchy and totally of its place.

From there, it was a full surrender to the pools.

Each spring is fortified with different minerals, offering various supposed healing benefits. The best was the iron pool, which is 103 degrees and carbonated. Thrumming bubbies.

This was a heavenly day. We spent all day in the pools. We only got out for white wine and truffle fries at the hotel restaurant. We got straight back in and stargazed from the hot springs. Yum yum yum.

Day 6: Stay until Ojo Caliente kicks you out. On to Santa Fe.

Aubrey wakes up and goes to the 9 AM mindful morning yoga and has never felt more relaxed

We hit up Joseph’s Mine Trail. The trailhead was on the resort. It was 5 beautiful, flat miles of juniper bushes, succulents, then like— a cave made of sparkling pink granite.

It was like a quartzy dance room. Total magic.

We had a goodbye dip in the hot springs before driving to Santa Fe.

We got the Kachina Suite. It had a private garden and a gooood bath tub because there’s no such thing as too much soaking.

Hit the town!!!

Georgia O’Keefe museum. Roy bought an incredible suede embroidered jacket. I almost bought these but the husband/suitcase wouldn’t allow.

We went for dinner at Geronimo from coworker suggestion. It was splurgy and nice but not…well… I’d save it for tomorrow at Sazon and do something low-key in town instead.

Another day in Santa Fe.

But you’re at a culinary hotel! There’s a tasting menu breakfast. We fully went for it even though we had a lunch reservation. We spaced it out plenty.

We went back to the room to bathe (again) and read in bed. And then—it started snowing. Out of nowhere. A full, delicate snowfall through the window on what had been a normal spring day. Just one more little miracle in a trip full of them.

We rolled into our reservation at Plants of the Southwest. an open barn structure in the back of a native-plant nursery with a set menu lunch. It was so fresh and wonderful– we could watch them make it while we sat. The juice was incredible.

We had an afternoon at Meow Wolf, an alternative art gallery with over 70 rooms of immersive installations. It’s surreal, chaotic, and designed to make you feel like a curious little kid in a dimension built by eccentric geniuses. NEat.

Straight into a rooftop happy hour in town before Sazon.

The mole sampler was divine. The black bean soup was the best of my life. It is really a celebration of New Mexico. Truly a perfect place. I’d go back over and over again.

Last day in Santa Fe

Hotel breakfast. Swoon.

One last soak. Book in at Ten thousand waves spa for a day pass.

We booked a private hour and a half in a soaking tub for $75 for 90 minutes. There was the hot tub, a cold plunge, a giant sauna, and a shower and changing area in a private little terrace. It felt like Japan.

We ate some skewers and drank tea at the izakaya restaurant.

We hit Canyon Road in town for the last bit of shopping and sightseeing, then stopped in at the Rosewood Hotel for a happy hour.

I can’t remember what we had for dinner, which means we should have tried to go back to Sazon.

Last day. Head to ABQ for some last magic.

BALLOON RIDE. Albuquerque is famous for its hot air balloon culture—some locals even commute to work this way (and sometimes land a mile off if the wind gets sassy). Drifting above the desert in that big patchwork bubble was surreal and serene. And slightly voyeuristic—you get an unexpectedly intimate view of people’s backyards and patio furniture. I loved it.

We had our last lunch at Los Poblanos because Martha Stewart likes it there. We walked through the lavender farms before we headed to the airport.

And that’s the trip. A week of otherworldly landscapes, green chile on everything, starry soaks, joyful weirdness, and slow, dreamy drives.

If you’re thinking about New Mexico: go.
If you’re not thinking about New Mexico: start.

These BOOTS and this DRESS and a big ole tub of magic powder, fruity floaties, fast fish, door county cherries from the Appleton Farmer’s Market, a very selfish birthday gift, an aspirational book that might be useful, a useful book that might be aspirational

This rug and this sweater and these stickers and this patch and this print and these pants which they stopped selling and I hate myself for missing and this customizeable little oddity and this bonnet which would make me lose my hand and these pajamas no better yet these ones

I had some laughs, I had some emotional breakthroughs, and I had some indigestion. This post is all about the creature comforts that did or could have helped me deal. While there is a lot of internet about how to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically for ayahuasca, I haven’t seen a packing list that speaks to the creature comforts one brings for such a journey. Behold my contribution.

Before you get excited: you will NOT find any of my spiritual takeaways in the aftermath of the experiment. That is far too personal BUT I will give you this:

• There is pleasure, joy, and beauty in every single moment and situation as long as you allow for it

• Nothing is more important than play and laughter

• Though my form is human, I am spiritually cat. Meow.

Okay. Ayahuasca is, well, it’s jungle juice!

Sorry. Really, it’s an ancient medicine that’s been connecting people to God, Nature, and Purpose for generations. Ayahuasca can help us explore our hidden selves and let go of long-held emotional burdens. It’s an opportunity for deep spiritual and energetic growth, healing and insight. That’s enough out of you, chatGPT.

Actually, one more automated warning: Ayahuasca is a powerful and potentially life-changing experience, and it should be approached with respect and caution.

I learned this the hard way when, as a younger lady, I traded $100 for a dose of ayahuasca in a hut on a grass mat. There was no electricity or running water. To those familiar with the gastrointestinal side effects of ayahuasca, you can be sure this was a problem. Ah, youth. I got very little value out of the single night. The dose was off and I really only got a few measly minutes of hallucinating a wavy candle flame.

I wasn’t exactly jonesing to try it again, but I’d follow my best friend through the gates of hell and she was keen. I’m glad I joined because it turned out to be pretty formative for me, and the best girls’ trip we’ve ever done.

We went for a five night retreat at Soltara. T’was fantastic. We did yoga, sat beachside, and basically alternated between sweatpants and sarongs all day until the evening ceremonies began. The staff was loving, and shepharded us through big emotions and urgent vomit episodes. The food, abusively healthy and free of salt or pork, was wonderful. The retreat cohort was sublime. 15 people came together and loved and supported each other from day one. That itself was worth the price of admission.

The Before

The internet is right about this: you have to be in a good state of mind for your retreat. The “dieta” recommended by Soltara is an extremely exhaustive list of can’ts in the run-up. They exclude alcohol, drugs, most supplements, pork/adult activities, and even salt. Lame. There really was no getting around it, but a few things that helped were:

1. Copious amounts of Olipop soda (cherry vanilla preferred)

2. Elderly seasons of real housewives

3. A weird but very specific hobby (stay tuned for details)

4. Frozen cauliflower pizza

5. Sturdy cuddles

From the Soltara website: “ Remember to be gentle with yourself, and whatever you do, do it with love.” At the end of four weeks with ~80% compliance, I really did feel like I was mentally and physically prepared. But I didn’t take it too seriously. The night before the retreat, my best friend and I had wine and pepperoni pizza in the hotel room. With love.

Things that brought me joy in the maloca:

• Clothing. It is absolutely crucial to pack for comfort. Ayahuasca’s physical side effects include gastrointestinal distress. Leave the waistbands at home. You'll want something comfortable that allows you to really writhe. The physical effects were intense; I was bouncing around on my bed and playfully swatting at an invisible ball of string. I recommend Beyond Yoga leisure sets. I wore THIS set but own and love this one too. Layer your clothing because you'll be quite sensitive to temperature changes. As an alternative, I’d also recommend a linen set to become your own art teacher.

• Birkenstocks. Shuffle into these after the ceremony.

• Cushy socks. I personally feel vulnerable with exposed feet.

• Red flashlight. Crucial. It might seem unnecessary, but it's actually very helpful. You and your fellow retreaters are so sensitive to light. This is the most considerate way to get to the bathroom. You will be in a rush.

• Eye mask. You will be SO sensitive to light. This was really important for maintaining focus during my journey. I have about ten of these floating around in my suitcase + bedside tables. They’re also pretty decent quality for $10.

• Hydroflask filled with ice water. Important for rinsing out your mouth and splashing your face. Don’t attempt a screw top. This is a straw game.

• A lighter if you plan to smoke the ceremony tobacco. Not my thing.

• Crystals or any other spiritually relevant object. Do you!

For puttering around the resort:

• Hydration powder. You really can’t drink water after 5 PM on ceremony nights. I felt pretty parched in the mornings. I wish I would have packed this stuff to bring me back to life a little faster.

• A caftan for an afternoon at the pool. I brought this because I’m extra. This one is for you.

• Swimsuit, obviously. I have this one in three colors. Cute look for the flower bath.

• Your full skincare routine. (Check a bag.) It’s nice to spend a little time with yourself in the mirror before the evening ceremony.

• Notebook and mechanical pencils for doodling and feelings

• A kindle loaded with a selection of books. I found I needed a break from self-improvement and was glad to have trashy romance novels as a reprieve. Optional: a laptop to stream Love is Blind: Brazil during down time

• Hear me out: I had robes monogrammed for me and my best friend. They’re hilarious and wicked useful. Dedicate ¼ of your suitcase to these guys and get ready to reap laughter from your fellow voyagers. Land’s End will monogram anything.

• Also optional: a really fun and fantastic dress reserved for the last night. I really loved looking forward to having something fabulous to celebrate my little rebirth. If I were to do it again, I’d go with this hot and lightly overpriced #.

Rules of thumb:

• Everything should be washable and generally sweat-proof

• Don’t bring food or western medicines. They’ll be confiscated! Shame is the taste of melted reconstituted chocolate bars at the end of the trip. (Still good)

• I didn’t wear any makeup for the five days of the retreat. It’s deeply humid; you’ll probably sweat it all off anyways. Tinted moisturizer with SPF, cream blush, and a nice lip balm should cover any base you have.

A fair warning

I can’t stand any of the citrus scents I used to love. One of the retreat activities was to chug lemongrass tea so as to ‘clear a barf path’ for the gastrointestinal effect of ayahuasca. Okay! We took turns hurling over a ledge into a forest clearing, cheering each other's projections. But blech. I pitched all of my lemony cosmetics when I returned home.

What’s happening to me? Is anyone else noticing this? “Cherrycore”???

Edit: I forgot I bought my husband this coat for Chrimbo. Help.

*The troubling and weird punchline to this story: the target felt iteration is the only item I do not personally own.

Gimme Robe AND Earrings AND Mascara to make blue eyes pop AND Dismembered infant pottery AND Lippy bedsheets AND Epsom salts AND yummy chocky AND felt cherries AND this laptop cover AND this beautiful baby angel I met at Purrfect Day Cat Cafe and can’t stop thinking about

Other things I want:

• Some delectable raspberry jam from a local purveyor

• For my husband to install automatic timers for the lamps in the house so we never have to mess with the big light again

• A weeknight date to Queen of Sheba

• To fill my new garage chest freezer (love you, Roy) with Trader Joe’s frozen foodstuffs: langoustines, cauliflower gnocchi, fish sticks, chocolate lava cakes, etc

• Effusive praise, but I’m kinda scratching that itch by asking ChatGPT for compliments

• Free rein to buy miscellaneous Valentine’s Day decor from Target

• A chaste mouth kiss

• This sexless but fetching nightgown

I find myself doom scrolling today, trolling the internet for content that doesn’t glaze my eyes over. ChatGPT is getting frustrated with my attempts at friendship. It’s snowing. What other excuses can I give for my delayed and sheepish return? I realize the three of you have been waiting with bated breath. I apologize for that.

Let’s do some 2025 resolutions, eh? We’ve just returned from the UK after 2.5 wet weeks of in-laws and sausage rolls. I am pale and sickly which is to say I assimilated. The snow started as soon as we returned and has been piling on since. Despite the 10 inch literal roadblock, I am pleased to report that my resolutions are proceeding swimmingly.

Here they are without explanation:

1. Health first. “Wellness” and blah blah blah blah. Reluctant membership to the 5 AM club. Jet lag helps. These southern portion sizes have your girl heaving.

2. Be very aware of processed ingredients. Did you know that fritos are unprocessed? You do now.

3. Eat more beans.

4. Prioritize hobbies. There’s bread in the oven! Do you want to try felting? Embroider the word ‘cunt’ on a napkin.

5. Speaking of, make a REALLY good bread pudding with a REALLY good bourbon sauce

6. Put the moo in community, join in on Louisville funtivities. I’m going to an adult show and tell at a bar next week.

7. Travel very little. Been there, done that. Explore the exoticisms of the homefront.

8. Get back into the game at Welcome. Please Leave. Ta da!

9. Work is my new favorite. Enjoy the beautiful grind.

10. Shop with some level of self preservation.

Word of the year: daffy

Cool things to look forward to next week:

• Seafood sale at kroger

• 2025 planning at work

• The death of tiktok. Sorry but good riddance.

• These sesame peanut pods for the nespresso

• A trip to TJ Maxx for candles and tupperware. #sliving

• The digestive enzymes I ordered. I also spent $$$ for this XL jar of colostrum. There’s no money I won’t spend on my gut.

• Red lentil soup made from my MIL’s recipe. Swap the marj for real butter.

That’s all for now! Underwhelmed?!

Hobbying: I’ve got some cool stuff rocking out at work. Between that and an otherwise busy week, I did not carve out much time for hobbying. 

Dating: Last weekend ROCKED. We started with a special anniversary meal at Keen’s Steakhouse. I die for the way they serve crudite on top of ice. We had dirty martinis and chateaubriand. We came home and had a nightcap at our favorite neighborhood spot. Lush. 

Saturday started early. Ruth and I got our hair blown out and split a ham sandwich from Otway. We met the other ladies for a rainy walk through the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. 

We then regrouped at one of the ladies’ homes in Clinton Hill and stopped in for a cocktail at Mayflower. We bopped to dinner at Kings Imperial Co. (I live for a lazy susan.) Afterwards, we got a private karaoke room and I dazzled them with my signature. 

On Sunday, we went to our new favorite Italian spot in the neighborhood for brunch then had a lil’ funday around Ridgewood. 

Needless to say, it’s been a pretty chill week around here. 

Sweating: I’ve been paddling 10 miles on the peloton while doomscrolling. It’s a nice way to feel productive while I garbage. 

Buying: Okay I feel a little guilty but I needed an outfit for the bachelorette party and I had to have this: 

I've worn the jacket to work since. What does ‘neutral’ mean to you?

I also bought daddy a sweater for our anniversary (cotton!).  

Eating: This cilantro pistachio pesto from my Farm to People box has been shockingly versatile. Roy made us pizzas on Wednesday, and I topped mine with this, red onion, some Mex cheese blend, and pineapple sausage. I ate it alongside some pineapple salsa. Yummm. 

Drinking: This passionfruit hibiscus bevvie was fabulous. It had a pleasant viscosity. Could I become the kind of person who subscribes to an energy drink? Like in the mail? 

Reading: Long form articles on abusive practices at Trader Joe’s. I cannot say that will change my purchasing behavior.

Watching: I finally got to Scandoval. Wow. Even during the tell-all, he kept lying. Watching his beady little eyes shift back and forth was all the evidence I needed. Worm with a mustache indeed! 

Listening: Infinity Song (confusingly a band). Their cover of “dreams” is what love should feel like. 

Ruminating on: I’m officially signed up to host Thanksgiving this year and I am already so excited to plan the weekend. It’s going to involve hiking, bourbon, a non-turkey special entree, and this maple tart.  

Cat: I bought them these catnip toys and loooooooook:

I leave you with this— the neighborhood is in bloom and I took a delightful stroll between calls:

Stay

• I’m assuming you’re not going to be there for the winter because that would be nuts. In fact, if that is your plan, close this tab immediately. I can’t help you. 

• I would stay in Wicker Park. It’s central enough but tranquil, with better coffee shops and amazing architecture. It’s a neighborhood vibe— much better if you’re in the 30+ crew. Pro tip: Stroll down Beer Baron’s Row in tiny shorts. Stay there forever! The Robey is a pretty good hotel with Le Labo products, but an Airbnb is probably your best bet. Here’s the view from the top:

• Or just lean all the way in and go River North – would be best to find a hotel or airbnb with a pool. Apartment complex pool culture BOPS in the summer. Just a head’s up: The Moxy is a swingers’ hot spot. 

Restaurants

• River North / Downtown

  • Quartino is my place of worship. I’ve been going here for a decade. The shared pasta dishes and $22 liters of wine always hit. Tell them you’re on a bachelorette party if you’d like a phallic dessert. Go next door to Redhead Piano Bar afterwards. This is how I met a one Roy Woodhouse. This place is truly special and iconic.

  • ABA! The Greek food is truly incredible. Don’t skip the olive oil soft serve at the end.

  • Any of the RPMs but I would recommend Seafood for the views and the vibes. Get the seafood tower and manage to look happy about it:

  

  • Gibson’s Italia is such a treat and has beautiful views.

  • HAmpton Social for brunch. Two orders of hash browns per person.

• STEAK— should be its own zip code in Chicago

  • Go classic Gibson’s for steak. It’s the authority on Chicago Steakhouses. Start with a dirty martini. Finish with the chocolate cake. Iconic.

  

  • Maple and Ash does a personalized menu and is very instagrammable. Plus the steak is good, I admit it.

  • Swift and Sons. Order the table magic show. It’s wild. 

  • BYOB Argentinian Currasceria at Tango Sur. This is the option for cool kids. Roy once took a chick on a date here and drank TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of wine himself. We love you, Roy. 

• West Loop

  • Au Cheval burger is historic. One of my favorite nights out was taking myself to Aire baths and then sitting at the bar having a glass of red wine and an epic burger. 

  • Little Goat is great. Actually anything Stephanie Izard does is wonderful. Try Little Goat Diner for brunch or her ice cream counter for a sweetie treaty in the afternoon. 

  • Rosemary’s is supposed to be incredible. I could never get in and I’m not still salty about it. I’m not. 

  • Momotaro incredible Japanese food – the downstairs is more of a bar and it’s incred. Get a rice dish.

  • Monteverde is an incredible Italian restaurant. Don’t skip the cabbage appetizer.. 

  • Bread at The Publican really should be in the Culture section.

  • The Aviary for a fancy FANCY cocktail. It’s worth it. 

  • Blind Barber for cocktails

  • Kumiko for Japanese American cocktails. The bartender is a badass. 

  • Lone Wolf has a perfect Knob Creek old-fashioned. Don’t miss it. 

• Pizza

  • Pequod’s Pizza for deep dish. It really is lovely and an elevated take on classic deep dish. 

  • Lou Malnati’s is a classic for a reason. Double up on Chicago mainstays and go to the location with a comedy club on the roof. 

  • I always wanted to try Oven and Grinder but didn’t because I knew it would wreck my bowels

• Wicker

  • Get breakfast at Kasama! They just got voted as one of the best tasting menus in the country. Go for that if you’re fucked, but the breakfast is just as good. There’s a brie honey truffle croissant that’s also on the dinner menu, because there’s never a wrong time to eat it. I shrieked when I put it in my mouth. 

  • Dinner at Le Bouchon. Still the best French food I’ve had on this continent. And sooo romantic and nice in there.

  • Vegan food at Bloom if that’s your jam.

  • Breakfast sandwich / coffee at Foxtrot

  • Tortello for pasta! It’s so good

  • Big Star for tacos and margz right by the park 

  • Mama Delias for paella and manchego cheese plus a sherry based cocktail

  • Queen Anne for oyster happy hours + gin martinis

  • Estelle’s (My faaavvorrrrrite cocktail bar with an insane happy hour)

  • The Violet Hour for incredible, inventive cocktails

Culture

• Hit the River Walk for happy hour. Stay to watch the light show projected on Merchandise Mart. The drinks are very overpriced so feel free to botellon on the stairs OR abide by my lifelong adage: a quick enough hand and big enough purse, anywhere is BYOB.

• Shedd Aquarium is legit incredible 

• Cocktail bar at the top of the Hancock building. Skip Sears Tower and do this instead. 

• Art Institute is wonderful. You can get lost in here for a beautiful afternoon. 

• Shop Mag Mile. Make sure you stop in for some Garrett’s popcorn.  

• Shop around Gold Coast– a bit more upscale but still really fun and can get more unique offerings

• Field Museum for dinos 

• Bike or walk the 606 – get some ice cream after 

• Comedy show! Duh. Go to Improv at The Second City and the famous Old Time Ale House across the street after. There are also so many good options for stand up if that’s more your speed. 

• Spa Day at Aire Baths – this is such a lush girl’s activity. Don’t bother with the treatments. Just go and float around the hot baths, cold baths, steams, sauna and have long lovely chats with eachother 

• Green Mill for jazz

• The Bean puts on some concerts and movies in the summer. Picnic! Bring wine! 

• Dip into see the Tiffany Dome if you’re anywhere near the bean 

• Take a water taxi from River North to Chinatown. Go out for dumplings and karaoke in Chinatown 

• Chicago Magic Lounge for a $25 BYOB magic show in Boystown. Hit up a gay bar after. I love wok and roll BYOB sushi around this too. Make sure you splash out on some nice ass champagne because it is GIRL’S WEEKEND  

• Bounce dem titties on a boat. Go to the playpen. You can do half and full day rentals, or just wear something trashy and head to the marina to find an old dude. SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

• Try to get into someone’s fancy building rooftop pool. Yeet. Get on tinder. 

• wooly mammoth antiques and oddities for taxidermy

Dating: Big one. On Wednesday, we found a showing of the 1974 movie Chinatown. A few observations: 1) Roman Polanski is DARK, 2) 70s fashion is a treasure, 3) cinema went hard into smoking. It was so stylish and fun. We had to follow the plot with dumplings at Dim Sum Palace. 

On Sunday, we met up with friends to watch the Man City X Arsenal fixture then brunch at K’far. 

Sweating: I got back in the groove with a ten mile peloton this morning. It took me FORTY NINE MINUTES. We’re at square zero here, baby. 

Buying: I bought a SHOCKING ORANGE $13 sweatshirt to top off this fairy dress I bought a few missives ago. Ehhh…. It did not work so well but I am not giving up on that sweatshirt yet. It makes me feel like a capable road worker. I also did a small amount of summer shopping at Zara. I scooped this dress to go with tall boots and this bag (monogrammed obvi) to swing around town. I’m very pleased with the quality. 

Eating: I am actually kind of thriving on this diet. Wednesday is the two week mark. I’ll hold on until Saturday afternoon, when I plan to have some afternoon tinis with my husband at Dante. I’m going to reintroduce things slowly though. Even on Chinatown night, I dipped some bites and soy sauce and felt worse off for them. Bleh.

Anyhoot, I bought this salad dressing on recommendation from The Strategist. Yum! Reminder: salads are not complete meals! 

Drinking: Lemon spindrift with a squeeze of fresh lime. Yeet. 

Reading: Deep diving on my birth chart in advance of this Aries retrograde. Buckle up, fuckleheads. 

I’ve also gotten a lot of deep breaths out of this poetry book. Lush. 

Watching: Guys, I have almost caught up to Scandoval. This is going to be HUGE. I reached season nine with embarrassing speed. Things have really evened out without Jax and Kristen. I guess I’ll have to watch The Valley. Oh no. 

I also waited way too long to get into Succession. We just finished season one. 

Listening: The Wedding Scammer really stuck the landing for a scam podcast. I have no idea what to listen to next. Nothing has measured up. I am back to my audiobook The Body Keeps The Score, which I will be glad to have finished. 

Ruminating on: The world truly didn’t notice my transition to the dark side (brunette). I’m desolate! 

Cat: I cannot bear the weight of this animal’s love. It is too much. 

A travel guide is incoming. In the meantime, enjoy scenes from a truncated but eventful week of reality. 

Hobbying: A full day of rotting on a restful, rainy Saturday. When done correctly, rotting is a hobby.

Eating: A beautiful genius had the audacity to stroll into my workplace absolutely glowing. I, a gremlin on my best day, had deplaned 7 hours previous and was looking and feeling like stale sunchips.

She told me about a cleanse she had been at for 10 days. I would follow her into hell on a normal day, but I signed up for this without thinking twice. 

This is the guide. It requires…

• A strict diet free of gluten, dairy, soy, corn, egg, peanut, added sugar, and alcohol. I’m also supposed to cut caffeine but I would rather die, thanks.

• Tonnnssss of water. It’s shocking how thirsty the diet has made me but I’m finding this one very easy. 

• Daily sweat. I’m working on this one, alright??

• Heavy sleep. Yup. 

Unlike any other instagram diet I’ve been influenced into, this one is sensible, free, and straightforward. I’m on day 5 and finding it shockingly easy? I already have more energy and am feeling svelte. Idk. Long term, I would miss cheese, but I’m going to chase this nice’n’healthy feeling.

INITIATING GREMLIN GLOW. 

Dating: We went to Eyval last night. It was PRICEY even considering Roy’s single glass of wine. It was also PACKED. We could barely walk in at 9:15 PM. But the dishes slapped. We started with a citrus cabbage salad with warm dates and tahini dressing and I almost ordered another for dessert. 

We did some shopping on 5th avenue today to replenish Roy’s face cream. It ended in a sweet romantic lil time at the Chelsea Hotel lobby bar. I highly recommend this Casamara Onda sodee pop. 

Sweating: Lol! No, but really. It’s time to get back into it. It’s getting nicer out and I’m ready to walk this dog. 

Buying: New HURR. I had a weird impulse and booked myself into a last-minute appointment. The women at the salon chose a great color for me, and I haven’t been this delighted with my fur in years. 

If I look like I’ve been crying, someone at the salon sweetly brought me a glass of bubbles and a slice of almond cake when I was finished. This is the face of furious restraint. 

Drinking: I finally got my paws on the banana cream olipop. Yeehaw! It did not disappoint. It has skyrocketed to the number 2 spot in the lineup, behind cherry vanilla. If Billy’s Marketplace ever stops promoting Olipop at 3/$6,
I’ll collapse in the aisle. 

Reading: Smutty romance novels I started on vacation. 

Watching: The Curious Case of Natalia Grace. WHAT?! The husband/”father” is the campest man on television. Evil Christine and her nudes!? My god. The twists and turns. Poor kid. 

Listening: The Wedding Scammer. Good so far! 

Ruminating on: Is sugar really this bad for a person? Can I ever eat a fat slice of cake again without being reminded of how good I feel right now? Will this pathway lead to suffering + insufferability? Why does my mind spin while the peloton wheels collect dust?

Cat: I got in a lot of trouble upon my arrival home

The above isn’t remotely near anything that can be considered commercially appealing, but it took almost no time to throw together and was a happy little reason to host friends for cake and tea to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

To make the cake::

• Boxed yellow cake (swap vanilla infused olive oil for canola if you’re a ridiculous person)

• Jell-O pistachio pudding mix

BAKE ACCORDING TO PACKAGE. DECORATE WITH POWDERED SUGAR ICING JAZZED UP WITH GREEN FOOD COLORING. INVOLVE PISTACHIO PASTE IF YOU CAN. ADD GREEN SPRINKLES.

SERVE WITH GOOD IRISH BREAKFAST TEA AND DROPKICK MURPHYS WHEN YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE BOTHERED WITH GREEN BEER AND PARADES

Anyways! Greetings from Louisville, KY! 

Hobbying: The house hunt is on. We looked at two places this weekend. In a week of growth, I have also realized that I am too old for a managed building. You can’t put a residential pool in the courtyard of a 189-unit building and tell me that’s an amenity. 

We also went to see an apartment with 3,500 square feet. It would cost us 40% less than what we pay for 1,200 in Bushwick. Roy wants to dedicate a room to his (nonexistent) karate practice. I issued a spousal decline. 

The search continues. I’m lightly winded by the pressure of it, but as my mother says, with jobs/boyfriends/houses, it only takes one. 

Dating: It should be obvious from the above that last weekend was heavy. On Monday night, I made the decision to take a lonnnnggggg pause. It’s always a decision that comes from a certain amount of shame and regret, but that has never worked for me previously. 

Instead, I treated myself like it was my birthday all week. I ordered magnificent takeout like Ethiopian and passionfruit cake, ate cookies every day, and bought myself a few treats. I didn’t really leave the square mile of my home until Friday, but my enclosure offered plenty of enrichment. It felt great to cocoon lavishly. 

Sweating: I’ve managed a few long walks this week while chatting to my mom on the phone. 

Buying: Against all karmic probability, I was rewarded with my annual bonus at work this week. I’m so grateful! I am planning to stack most of it for the move, but I did treat myself with some new silk pajamas. They made the week all the more indulgent. 

Eating: I made a VAT of Alison Roman’s lentil stew. I used acorn squash and added cabbage and chickpeas. The vinegar at the end is truly lush. I ate a lot of this through the week so I could dietarily accommodate defrosted chocolate chip peanut butter cookies and the passionfruit cake mentioned above.  

Drinking: I do not recommend this hydration supplement. It’s WEIRD. You would think dehydrated coconut would be nice but I found myself struggling through it. 

Reading: Lots of quit lit.

Watching: So much Vanderpump. Watching these kids drink is reason enough to choose milk. It’s actually very scary to see the lights turn off in James Kennedy’s eyes. 

Listening: It made me happy to create a bathroom playlist. I plan to play it on a bluetooth speaker next time I host guests. Heh. “Drop it like it’s hot.”

Ruminating on: Too much to unpack here. Perhaps later. 

Cat: Forgives me. They’ve stuck by me every single hard morning, and made no exceptions this week. I’m so lucky. 

Hobbying: Getting ready for two weekend trips in a row. 

Dating: Perhaps more ‘outing’ than date, I joined a work event at Rockaway hotel. We splashed around in a heated pool and sang LOUD songs in the sauna. It was a fun Monday afternoon. 

I saw the most beautiful sunset on the way home. The Uber driver gave me an astrological reading (don’t call it a twofer)

I also had a nice afternoon outing to BKE kombucha in Bushwick with my cousin.

Sweating: Lots of long walks. 

Buying: Believe it or not– NOTHING. My FabFitFun box arrived this week and I received a salad bowl and water bottle in this cu**y shade of pink. I look forward to losing this in an office sometime soon! 

Eating: This almond pretzel and blackberry chocolate chip gelato. I have gained a whopping 9 lbs in the last four weeks. That’s totally fine! I’ll be eating mostly vegetables between now and our trip to Louisville. I’m taking a temporary pause from adult beverages. I like to ease my way to sobriety with reliable access to dessert. 

Drinking: I had a coconut milk + lime mocktail at Death and Co. Blew my mind. 

Reading: Poetry! And really enjoying it. I bought a physical copy (!) of Devotions by Mary Oliver. I read one in the mornings after a 5 minute peloton meditation (all I can muster without mentally drafting emails). I’m not sure how much of a habit this will become, but poetry has given me a few small and restful moments lately. 

Watching: Love is Blind. This Tiktok person used her 1-year-old son’s toys to illustrate the Chelsea/Jimmy meeting. It is an almost identical recreation. 

PS AD is too good for the show. 

Listening: I dipped my toe back into the Crime Junkie swamp. The alphabet killer episodes were distracting but I realized how tense my shoulders were halfway through. That’s enough for true crime for now. 

Ruminating on: Oh, I like the ending of this poem. 

Maybe the fire in my lashes is a reflection of that.

Why do I have so many thoughts, they are driving me crazy.

Why am I always going anywhere, instead of somewhere?

Listen to me or not, it hardly matters.

I’m not trying to be wise, that would be foolish.

I’m just chattering.

Cat: Spackled onto me. 

Blurry date night featuring Rachel Ray’s pretzel-encrusted chicken. Rainbow drip candles and tie-dye napkins add the color that meal desperately lacks.

1. Pretty coupe glasses for summer cocktails (currently riffing on the clover club with strawberries instead of raspberries using Sipsmith Strawberry Smash). I love these too.

2. Pastel candlesticks or votives

3. Casual cool tablecloths featuring pastels, gingham, florals, botanicals, or mushrooms (technically a blanket, which is totally FINE). See above for a mushroom blanket action shot.

4. Cute lil water pitcher like this or this lettuce baby (which looks tiny but I’m willing to compromise for aesthetics). If you’re feeling excited, this is the perfect time of year for crystal lite pink lemonade or strawberry-infused water

5. Flowery hand soaps for the bathroom

6. Colorful cocktail napkins like these or these

7. Fresh spring cookbooks. I got excited listening to this episode of Spendid Spoon and ordered The Flavor Thesauraus to add a bit of rigor to experiment. I’m equally excited about this one that feels like a vacation and this one that is in every self-respecting Brooklyn home (mine included)

8. This playlist which bops me down every sidewalk

9. Lil’ hosting outfit like this cool ass caftan or this bohemian daydream. For a more casual mood, go with a wild card like this pink onesie.

10. Pink carnations and baby’s breath from the bodega (to match our outfits)

11. This rug in front of the kitchen sink

12. This lipstick I wore down the aisle

13. These hand thrown strawberry mugs

14. This set of dessert bowls, perfect for serving Breyer’s strawberry ice cream

15. These cutie pink earrings

    15. This bath bomb for after guests leave

This one is written on a frosty morning in a beautiful cabin outside of Tannersville, NY, while the steaming cedar soaking tub waits for me. Sorry! Roy’s on his way back with coffee and cinnamon rolls so let’s make this quick. 

Hobbying: I worked a lot this week, so packing for this weekend was the singular extracurricular focus. 

This trip is Roy’s extravagant Valentine’s Day present to me. We’re in some sort of yurt? At Scribner’s Lodge. It’s been heaven. We have bopped around the town, gotten some good hiking, and thumbed novels in front of a fire. Golly, he’s the best. 

Dating: We took a trip up to Tannersville in autumn of last year and discovered this wonderful restaurant by googling “best restaurant Tannersville.” With the same approach, we found the same restaurant this year and were not sad to repeat. The food and service were wonderful. I got caught with a fainting spell at the end of the meal, humiliating. The staff was so nice about it. Bleh. 

Sweating: SNOW TUBING AND HIKING. 

Buying: I bought this magical jumpsuit and tracked its shipment progress every half hour. It will be my second horse-themed garment. Outrageous? Who’s to say? 

I am conscious that outfits I love, like this one, will be less celebrated in Kentucky compared to Bushwick. I hope that won’t change my approach to dressing myself. It will be a test of character. 

I also bought a vintage Jim Beam belt buckle to wow my coworkers on an upcoming work trip. 

I’m probably going to buy some candles and/or socks at a boutique this afternoon.

Eating: Roy cooked almost every meal that I ate this week. He knocked it all out of the park, then cleaned up after us. What a gent. The two highlights were a homemade pizza that set off our fire alarm seven times in a row and bangers with mustard mash. I realize I need to pay it forward, but I really enjoyed being treated in that way.

I also found time for lunch with a friend at Salty Lunch Lady, which ended in a lemon curd poppy seed cake. 

Drinking: Last Sunday, I had one too many at the deadly happy hour deal at Myrtle Pub (2X1 plus unlimited hot dogs). I was sick until Wednesday. I will not forget this soon. 

Listening: A new-to-me poetry podcast that makes me take a deep breath and smack my lips within six minutes.

Watching: I started Vanderpump Rules from its inception and have made laudable progress. What a time capsule! To situate, one of the women is trying to start a statement necklace company. 

There’s PROBLEMATIC consumption of all sorts. Was that a sign of the times? Did every young person chug vodka like that? Did I? (Literal gulp.) Will future generations pity us? The women all have tattoos they found on Tumblr. Where are those fine-line arrows pointing now?!?? Is this how we all lost the way?

I asked myself a lot of questions Monday-Wednesday in the throes of my hangover. These thoughts plagued me, and I felt itchier than one of Jax’s conquests.

Anyways, I desperately want this artwork of THE MAIN GUY. 

Ruminating on / Reading: THIS PROFILE OF TOM SANDOVAL IN THE NEW YORK TIMES has an absolute chokehold on me. I’ve sent this passage to everyone I know: 

“Sandoval began to perform loud vocal exercises. He applied pomade to his hair, combing it back with his fingers, and changed into a light blue women’s suit from Zara, which he said he preferred to the store’s men’s wear. The suit looked good, but the sleeves barely reached his wrists. As he emerged from the dressing room, there was something about the suit’s feminine cut combined with Sandoval’s physique and slightly hunched posture that reminded me of Heath Ledger’s Joker in the scene at the hospital where he wears a nurse’s uniform.”

There are other marvelous pull quotes, but WOW. What monsters have we created????

Cat: Back to our happy, fluffy, mischievous, curious selves this week. Here she is interfering with my squash sandwich from General Irving and Vanderpump confessional:

Hobbying: I’ve been building a KenBucket List in anticipation of our June move to Louisville. I’ve been lurking on reddit/louisville and I love how people talk about their city and cool experiences to have there. 

Of course there’s plenty of that in Bushwick, but sometimes it is just overwhelming for the volume or because it’s too cool for me or inconvenient or goes too late or feels too young or blah blah blah 

Anyways, I’m really excited to kayak at Floyd’s Fork, go to Heritage Farm for dinner, and picnic in Cherokee Park. I also lurked through the Facebook marketplace in Louisville. If I were there, I would snap these up IMMEDIATELY. 

Dating: Another big week! When will it end?

On Saturday, the day finally arrived. I booked a reservation at Bad Roman TWO MONTHS in advance. I knew it to be a buzzy Italian place but didn’t recognize it was “rainforest cafe meets red sauce joint”. Dread set in when we entered the Columbus Circle MALL location (which is also where Per Se is located????). I felt transported to the worst parts of Las Vegas, which is all of it. I thought surely I was in for an online Cheesecake Factory dining experience. 

It was a very instagrammy crowd so I leaned in and photographed everything I ate, thinking it would be funny if nothing else. FALSE. It was delicious! Every gimmick was wonderful. An enormous ravioli that oozes cacio e pepe sauce when sliced over filet mignon?? What!! I was proven wrong and it tasted very nice. 

Enjoy! I look gross! That is not my Louis Vuitton Speedy! 

Subscribe now

On Sunday, Roy cooked a meaty chili for super bowl while I lounged and interwebbed. I had a great latte while I click clacked away on the couch. I barely ventured out of the house aside from a coffee run. I lit these colorful candles and we enjoyed our cozy super bowl.

On Wednesday, we had cocktails and quesadillas at All Night Skate before taking in a comedy show around the corner at Tiny Cupboard. The comics were universally pretty great. I spent an extra $5 for a season pass that guarantees me entry for 90 days. I’ll be using that. 

On Thursday, I began what will become an annual tradition every February 15th. I bought a half-priced box of chocolates, and got in bed at 8 PM. 

Sweating: Uhh…I brought a lot of clean workout clothes to my office. They are still there. 

Buying: I went for a rare in-person shop on Saturday! After brunch with coworkers at Thai Diner to celebrate Lunar New Year, we bopped around some Prince St. shops. I re-upped on edibles at the Sundae School pop-up. Everyone in there was very cool. They had this wish wall: 

Then, we wandered into Dinner Service where I discovered that ORVILLE PECK DESIGNED A SHIRT. Roy had to have it. I didn’t think twice. 

Eating: Roy made the best chili of our lifetimes. 

The record was set in 2013, when I was living in Decatur, Illinois. I only had one friend. Mandi Jo grew up on a cattle farm and used to wear a gown and stand next to prize cows at state fairs. (COOL RIGHT?) She made a gooooooddddd chili. This was better. 

He started with an heirloom tomato sauce I made and froze in August (but storebought is fine). He slow cooked pork shoulder, ground beef, and white beans with some alchemy of sauces and spices. He pickled white onions in white wine vinegar and red onions in red wine vinegar because he’s a cute guy. He also made onion rings (!) to serve alongside. It was probably the best meal of 2024 so far. 

On Friday, I woke up to the harsh truth that I had DMed a local baker at midnight. She’s SO COOL and I’ve wanted to try her cakes forever. I walked two miles each way to pick up these three gorgeous cakes. It’s the best cake I’ve ever had. 

Drinking: Quite a few passionfruit/tequila cocktails at All Night Skate. I had a can of this delicious blood orange soda from Irving’s when I went to pick up a Friday spicy squash sandwich. 

Reading: I am really intimidated about making pudding!! I am overthinking it a lot. Nothing on the internet has reassured me it’s possible! I’ve spent a rather embarrassing amount of time researching how to make it but I don’t feel brave enough to try yet. I’m planning a trip to Salty Lunch Lady for field study. 

Also, oh my god, ChatGPT actually has made itself useful to me. I asked it for variations on a grilled cheese and wow! An Apple and Brie Grilled Cheese on Bread: Cinnamon raisin or honey wheat with Thinly sliced apples and a drizzle of honey. The suggested soup pairing was an English pea— think like the famous Alinea one.  Right???

Watching: This cute comedy set from Fat Rascal! “Gamestop management came through!” And so much Vanderpump.

Listening: “Blush” by Orville Peck on repeat

Ruminating on: Oh my god the Usher concert. Roy came to peek at it while cleaning the kitchen and left the sink running for four minutes. Jaws on the floor. I felt like I needed to breathe into a paper bag. I was still weak-kneed from Post Malone. This knocked me flat. Did usher learn how to roller skate for us??

As a millennial, God reached down and scratched behind my ears. I PURRED.

Cat: Speaking of, it’s been a truly terrible cat week. We discovered Nightmare is allergic to fish. I gave her a salmon churu on Saturday, and she’s been barfy and lethargic all week. She’s finally on the up and up. My poor baby. I just bought some cat shampoo to get the dregs of scum out of her fur. I plan to join her in the bathtub. 

Find out about it all next week!